You can't run from 7 Deadly Sins

Sin 1: Gluttony
So in the interest of overall health and physical fitness- not to mention the appeal of a community wide show of solidarity- I decided to enter in the Alpharetta Mayor's Challenge 10K. The self-titled 'nearly novice' runner/jogger/speed walker that I am was also (admittedly) interested in this years' sponsor: The Pancake House. What better guilt-free opportunity to carbo-gorge post race than this? Refined sugar+ processed flour + butter AND syrup = heaven. I'm in, where's my t-shirt?

645 a.m. Race Day:

Sin 2: Lust
It's about 50 degrees, which for my quickly acclimated southern system is likened to the sensation of being air dropped on the North Pole in a cheap thong. Painfully cold. So cold, my poor leg hairs were growing back with the speed of a time-lapsed camera a la the Discovery Channel. By 652 a.m. I was the missing link in a sassy Target-brand running skirt. Yeti-chic I say! Is it possible to covet a long-sleeved neoprene body contoured hoodie? Indeed it is.

Sin 3 Pride:
Not helping matters was the forced addition of the race day t-shirt. Imagine the color of the center of sun and you are getting close. A neon-limeade shade of migraine inducing proportions en mass to 'Light Up' dear old Alpharetta. (sigh) My only guess is that this unavoidable color was picked to help the group of octogenarian volunteers help monitor the race route. This thought was indeed confirmed at mile 4 when I was directed to 'Head left' and then 'Welcome(d) to Walmart' :) God Bless the old ones.

Sin 4 Wrath:
Sadly, just around the bend I realized I had been lapped (not once, but twice) by a saint pushing his disabled 4th grader in a racing wheelchair. The 'Are you SERIOUS?' prayer followed as the holy spirit slapped me in my face. Sheesh! Hard pill humility, o.k. o.k. Lord, I get it. My redemptive mood was quickly squelched however, rounding mile 6 and hearing "... just when you think it's over, you get a few more STRAGGLERS.' What??? Now my sinful nature wanted to kick him in his fat man balls and yell something about obesity and life expectancy- yet grace overcame me (and I suppose the need to just breathe) and thankfully I merely smiled, sort-of.

Sin 5 Sloth:
Speaking of breathing- need I remind you that late spring early summer here in Ga is like living in a spore. With pollen counts in the thousands it's like trying to suck the cast of Ferngully through a Starbucks coffee stir straw. I felt like I was 'running' underwater, not like Baywatch... more like sea cow- manatee anyone?

Sin 6 Envy:
As if huffing up hill through the forest of Wills Park wasn't enough, the final lap was behind the horse stalls then the gravel spiked parking lot. What a treat for the senses! Thoroughbred poo sprinkled with Hummer Sport suv exhaust fumes- the scent of the 'high life' indeed.

Sin 7 Greed:
V.I.C.T.O.R.Y I finished and it's not even 830 a.m. I headed directly to the pancake table then plotted how to hoard-home as much free stuff as possible. (Heck, you know you've ALL done it.) 4 enormous navel oranges, 2 banana's, 5 different 365 organic breakfast bars, and 2 bottled waters accompanied my jaunt back to the jeep. You would 'think' I would have been embarrassed, but not until this moment- typing it ALL out- do I see my race to destruction. ;) Indeed.

Oh the depravity of man- oh the depravity of ME. I am glad I can laugh about it and I am saved because HE loves me despite of it. Principle: God doesn't love us because we are loveable- God loves us because HE is LOVE.

I know I will always laugh.
I hope to always run.
I pray God will enjoy the ride.

~zee Hausfrau

Alpharetta Easter

You know you're celebrating Easter in Alpharetta, GA when:

1. The preK Easter Chapel service is really a parade of Salzburg clothier dressed boys & the most 'adorable' little girls in 25$ hair bows, 95$ sandals, 185$ frocks, and monogrammed sweaters. Sad to be out classed by kids that were still pooping in their pants 6 months ago.

2. The Moms Morning Out kids (age 6 mo to 2 1/2 yrs) have nothing less than Dove chocolate bunnies and Lindt chocolate eggs as their take home goody bags.. What?? No tooth shattering generic jelly beans from the dollar store? Sheesh!

3. All the mommies have their Tuscany-tans to highlight their sunday dresses. Doesn't everyone have spring break in Italy?

4. You wouldn't be caught dead with (the horror) plastic shredded Easter grass for your kids baskets. Even the Wal-Mart only carries the fancy paper shredded kind. Demographics indeed.

5. The praise & worship band planned for Sunday is a nationally recognized Dove award winner. Of coarse they are!

6. The Easter mission project donation box has higher-end clothing than you are wearing ON YOUR OWN BACK when you make your drop off. Humbling or humiliating? I'll take #2.

7. Kids bring their 'own' ponies for the pony rides at the Easer fun day IN PRESCHOOL. Again, are you kidding me? We can hardly afford gas to fill our car... don't get me started on hay!

8. Sadly, the pictures of Jesus in the children's Palm Sunday programs appear visibly Botoxed. Begs the question 'What would Jesus Botox?' and does being a 'Mary in a Martha World' justify a boob job AND a tummy tuck or just Juvaderm and laser hair removal?

9. Prayer requests in your small group consist of "May God provide a buyer for our 1.2 million dollar house". Seriously?

10. Finally, the carats in Emma's classmates ears would make the easter Bunny jealous.

My Blog is Risen!

Back from the dead... here goes an update:

Freedom is not FREE

So, as expected, I OD'd on my free will field trip yesterday. (Yes, it IS all biblical when you get down to it.)

My much anticipated day of freedom led to some overly ambitious decision making. Case in point: I am in traction. Silly me decided a "great" start to my free day would be an exhilarating 8 mile run to start the blood flowing! Suited up in full parka, praise&worship tunes a la Nano, and tightly laced kicks I was outta the gate with a BANG. Sadly, my body mistook my over-supply of adrenaline with actual physical fitness. By 3pm yesterday I was King Tutt swaddled on the couch with barely enough energy to hold the remote. So sad.

Lesson Learned: When left to our own judgment, free will WILL make it hard to squat and pee without your quads exploding into flames.

Before you lavish me with pity- the day was not a total deficit. I did have a successful shopping trip to Wallmart (the Ship of DREAMS dear Rose) where I think I now have most of my Halloween costume supplies. YES! My only mild concern is exactly HOW flammable premium polyester fiberfill is? You know, sometimes child fire safety issues must take second fiddle to an adorable homemade costume to be remembered for decades right?

Alrighty, off to glorify God (somehow) in cleaning the bathroom, sorting laundry, and attempting stage 2 of potty training. I will Praise HIM with Pullups! If you focus- it can be done.

~Zee Hausfrau

Free at last, by golly FREE AT LAST!!!

That's right... after gestating, nursing, wiping, changing, burping, (you name it) I will be FREE at 9am tomorrow. Hot doggity BOTH kiddos will for the first time be in preK and a Moms Morning Out program till 1pm. Watch your local news for reports of a mom running the subdivision in her underpants... shouting something about 'ME TIME' ;)

Starbucks begin your sultry addicting brews!
Bloomie's prepare for stalker-like window shopping!
Teenie tiny sassy wallet- prepare to see the light of day! Your evil step-sister 'diaper bag' will be left curbside Wa-Ha! No room for those wretched necessities :) Fantastico!

I will eat without extra napkins- heck maybe even chicken right off the bone. I will play the radio too loud and jam to J. Timberlake without a shred of carseat-in-the-back embarassment! I will roll my eyes with pitty at every stroller-cuffed mom I see, as I zip in and out of the bra displays with the agility of a cheeta! Hot buttered biscuits- look out world and prepare for re-entry...

9hrs 18mins and counting...

Under pressure into the Blogosphere...

I fear my 'dear' lil sis has sold her soul (or at least lost a few brain cells) at the alter of Whole Foods circa Charlottesville, VA. All those 'natural', 'vegan', 'organic, and 'leutin-free' goodies have left her SO starving that her thinking is challenged. Why on earth does she think she can take on the entire state of Texas in a virtual war over who has the funniest blog? In my opinion, blog's should be defined as follows: B-BORING L-LIVES O-OVER G-GLORIFIED. (Humph!)

Well, I'll give it a whirl and see how it goes. If it beats over indulging in early Halloween candy & late afternoon naps leading right into Oprah- heck, maybe it will be better for my overall health? Hmmm... wonder if ther's a Whole Foods in Alpharetta?